Why?

Ok, I know that I am just 22,but am I toooo weird? What is the problem with me and guys? Should I just give up? Ok I gave up inside myself some weeks ago but as a bad habit it keeps coming back. Hallmark movies you are killing me. Why can't be my life as you put it in your movies? One of my hopes is that maybe when I get a dog I will meet one man who will fit my really interesting personality.
I just need to improve myself and be a better me. Be a better me, be a better me.

Gossipper

I am failing. I need a gossip buddy. ASAP
Btw teaching English went well, Hungarian will be next week. Along with English. I am nervous already

Gossipper

Ok. As I promised(and I know I promised a lot but no keeping them) I am here. I got threw the week in the school. Now what I felt?
When you start to gossip you may notice or not the urge to tell people things.
For me when something happens with me and I try to cope with it I need to tell people. Need means I feel bad if I don't do it. This week I felt numerous times that I needed to do something. So I let it out and from the back of my mind I watched how it felt.
So struggling with feelings check ☑️, the clarity of my thoughts disappearing check ☑️.
Next week will be the one, where I will really try to not to gossip about others, and keep it down about me.
Next week I will be teaching in a school. 2 weeks of practice week for me. And I really don't know how many classes I will be teaching English. My major is Hungarian language and literature combined with English language and literature. And yes the job that I kinda wanted but never really is to be a teacher.
I am terrified of screwing at any job. Really. And I know that I just need to be prepared for each class and I will totally do as much as I can. Last time when my teacher of English pedagogy told us that the new teachers may prepare hours for their classes I kinda laughed 😀. Why would they? And now seeing that the practice is coming I feel like I will totally prepare as much as I can. I will read a lot about the topic I need to cover with them and maybe even rehears a bit what can happen.
One of my 'colleagues' - Hungarian major mates told me that I don't need to stress that much about it, since I will probably never see any of the people form that place ever again. Am I worried now? I still am, but yesterday night it gave me some better feelings. Yes, I might have issues but i am just a beginner. Everyone makes mistakes. So this will be just a great opportunity to see what my real problems are and how I can improve them.

I hope you liked this entry.
Have a nice whatever 😊 😘

Gossipper

I am someone who loves to gossip. I believed this to be a connecter to people. But today it got too far. My mother made a step. So I am in need to make a step. I found this site where there is 6 steps but today I am gonna change it a bit. I am not going to use a gossip buddy. But my phone. If there is a gossip I am gonna write it down. I just want to change and first I need to do it inside or else I will not be able to live as a grown-up person. So here we go. This will be my first day. 😁 I will try to keep you posted. Really, this is gonna be interesting....
https://www.google.sk/amp/s/www.yogajournal.com/.amp/yoga-101/6-ways-to-stop-yourself-from-gossiping-and-why-it-matters
Here you can find the site where I found the 6steps, so you can read it too.

Self daubt

I believe everyone went there before. Thinking that you are alone or just rare people can understand you. I am always like that. Ok just mostly. But still. When I am prepared for something I am still struggling inside How it will go? and Will I be good enough?
It is part of me. My mother. My dear mum/mummy she is always with me. And my dearest friend Sara. I've got 2 new friends who I trust dearly. And now days my roommate is pretty good too. Oh and the newest friend that I actually knew from before but now we are together a lot.
So these are the people who try to help me with this issue. And laugh with me. These give me strength. Because there is at least one man who tries to give me hell. Maybe that can make someone go on and be better. But I am not doing it for him. He will never know if I am good or not. He just wants to hurt me so he can be seen as someone better than me. There are people like this. They try and they sometimes succeed. But only if you let them. If you give them power over your thoughts.
Life is hard and guess what? You will eventually die. So why don't you stop carrying about what negative people say to you. Of course there is a difference between helpful criticism and pushing someone down. So decide whether or not is worth listening to what they say. And if it is not worth it than form one ear to the other and out goes what they said.
A positive thought : God made us who we are, so if he made you you need to be worth something. And if He believes in you you should do it too.
These thoughts coming from a person who does not go to church but believes in someone greater than Us. - ok let's save this I believe stuff for an another entry. I don't want to change any of you.
I just want to thank you for reading. Have a nice whatever 😊 Timi

Strong

Yes, I know I did not post for a while. This is not good but I got a new entry for the rest of the week each day so please forgive me.
So sometimes people get drunk, woman too. In these times you can be vulnerable. I never, ever would have believed that something like- you know you hear stories that girls have been robbed, raped and or even kidnapped - I believed that yes in the city where I study rarely but these things happen but not with me. I've got lucky always, why would it happen to me?
The story goes like this - me being a bit uneasy (drunk) and having 3 of my girlfriends with me. We had a blast at night it was amazing and we are headed back to our dorm. My girlfriend suddenly goes like - hey that man has been following us. And we suddenly got in realisation ok we probably are being followed. One of us starts to smoke a cigarette and I am like you know I need one too. We still try to keep the best mood that we can but we need to realise what is happening. Now 2 men are watching us. And we can see it. It is not as well obvious but we change our track. My girlfriend- now for being a bit more clear let's call her M- suggests this. We stop for a while. We know that we are probably watched the men are probably waiting for us at some point in our track. There is only one road in that way that we can go. I can't remember who - surely not me- suggested that we should go back into our dorm with a city bus. The stop for it is actually in a totally different direction than the men are supposed to be. We do this and we escape.

This was all yesterday. Me being delusional that this city is safe was too. But me saying that we should be more careful and aware is today. When I realise that I am weak and I need help. I need a blade - some kind of, I need a cry spray and training. Or at least moves.
I need to know that I am not gonna be afraid what I am alone or just going out with friends.
So today after going home and doing some work I am ready to get to know a new woman who is gonna learn how to defend herself. So she doesn't need to rely on others help 😊

Please be safe. Have a nice whatever 😊

What to do?

What to do when you are afraid that you'l loose your friends after the University? What to say when you are truly afraid of that life? Yeah we are always afraid of the new and yeah sometimes /mostly it is good, but still. Every student has this wow that after the Uni I will move out from my parents's house. If you are single and afraid of most of the stuff can you do it? How will it be? How much you and your life will change until you reach the end?
Yes, this is a call for help. Call for the future to show a way. I really just got into the thinking that I will loose my friends. Because everyone wants to stay where they were born but I want to explore, because all the man that maybe are waiting for me are away from my home. I can feel it. I need to go. Or I just want to explore and try out. Live a little as the say. Maybe during summer I will try.