Self daubt

I believe everyone went there before. Thinking that you are alone or just rare people can understand you. I am always like that. Ok just mostly. But still. When I am prepared for something I am still struggling inside How it will go? and Will I be good enough?
It is part of me. My mother. My dear mum/mummy she is always with me. And my dearest friend Sara. I've got 2 new friends who I trust dearly. And now days my roommate is pretty good too. Oh and the newest friend that I actually knew from before but now we are together a lot.
So these are the people who try to help me with this issue. And laugh with me. These give me strength. Because there is at least one man who tries to give me hell. Maybe that can make someone go on and be better. But I am not doing it for him. He will never know if I am good or not. He just wants to hurt me so he can be seen as someone better than me. There are people like this. They try and they sometimes succeed. But only if you let them. If you give them power over your thoughts.
Life is hard and guess what? You will eventually die. So why don't you stop carrying about what negative people say to you. Of course there is a difference between helpful criticism and pushing someone down. So decide whether or not is worth listening to what they say. And if it is not worth it than form one ear to the other and out goes what they said.
A positive thought : God made us who we are, so if he made you you need to be worth something. And if He believes in you you should do it too.
These thoughts coming from a person who does not go to church but believes in someone greater than Us. - ok let's save this I believe stuff for an another entry. I don't want to change any of you.
I just want to thank you for reading. Have a nice whatever 😊 Timi

Strong

Yes, I know I did not post for a while. This is not good but I got a new entry for the rest of the week each day so please forgive me.
So sometimes people get drunk, woman too. In these times you can be vulnerable. I never, ever would have believed that something like- you know you hear stories that girls have been robbed, raped and or even kidnapped - I believed that yes in the city where I study rarely but these things happen but not with me. I've got lucky always, why would it happen to me?
The story goes like this - me being a bit uneasy (drunk) and having 3 of my girlfriends with me. We had a blast at night it was amazing and we are headed back to our dorm. My girlfriend suddenly goes like - hey that man has been following us. And we suddenly got in realisation ok we probably are being followed. One of us starts to smoke a cigarette and I am like you know I need one too. We still try to keep the best mood that we can but we need to realise what is happening. Now 2 men are watching us. And we can see it. It is not as well obvious but we change our track. My girlfriend- now for being a bit more clear let's call her M- suggests this. We stop for a while. We know that we are probably watched the men are probably waiting for us at some point in our track. There is only one road in that way that we can go. I can't remember who - surely not me- suggested that we should go back into our dorm with a city bus. The stop for it is actually in a totally different direction than the men are supposed to be. We do this and we escape.

This was all yesterday. Me being delusional that this city is safe was too. But me saying that we should be more careful and aware is today. When I realise that I am weak and I need help. I need a blade - some kind of, I need a cry spray and training. Or at least moves.
I need to know that I am not gonna be afraid what I am alone or just going out with friends.
So today after going home and doing some work I am ready to get to know a new woman who is gonna learn how to defend herself. So she doesn't need to rely on others help 😊

Please be safe. Have a nice whatever 😊

What to do?

What to do when you are afraid that you'l loose your friends after the University? What to say when you are truly afraid of that life? Yeah we are always afraid of the new and yeah sometimes /mostly it is good, but still. Every student has this wow that after the Uni I will move out from my parents's house. If you are single and afraid of most of the stuff can you do it? How will it be? How much you and your life will change until you reach the end?
Yes, this is a call for help. Call for the future to show a way. I really just got into the thinking that I will loose my friends. Because everyone wants to stay where they were born but I want to explore, because all the man that maybe are waiting for me are away from my home. I can feel it. I need to go. Or I just want to explore and try out. Live a little as the say. Maybe during summer I will try.