Why?

Ok, I know that I am just 22,but am I toooo weird? What is the problem with me and guys? Should I just give up? Ok I gave up inside myself some weeks ago but as a bad habit it keeps coming back. Hallmark movies you are killing me. Why can't be my life as you put it in your movies? One of my hopes is that maybe when I get a dog I will meet one man who will fit my really interesting personality.
I just need to improve myself and be a better me. Be a better me, be a better me.

Gossipper

I am failing. I need a gossip buddy. ASAP
Btw teaching English went well, Hungarian will be next week. Along with English. I am nervous already

Gossipper

Ok. As I promised(and I know I promised a lot but no keeping them) I am here. I got threw the week in the school. Now what I felt?
When you start to gossip you may notice or not the urge to tell people things.
For me when something happens with me and I try to cope with it I need to tell people. Need means I feel bad if I don't do it. This week I felt numerous times that I needed to do something. So I let it out and from the back of my mind I watched how it felt.
So struggling with feelings check ☑️, the clarity of my thoughts disappearing check ☑️.
Next week will be the one, where I will really try to not to gossip about others, and keep it down about me.
Next week I will be teaching in a school. 2 weeks of practice week for me. And I really don't know how many classes I will be teaching English. My major is Hungarian language and literature combined with English language and literature. And yes the job that I kinda wanted but never really is to be a teacher.
I am terrified of screwing at any job. Really. And I know that I just need to be prepared for each class and I will totally do as much as I can. Last time when my teacher of English pedagogy told us that the new teachers may prepare hours for their classes I kinda laughed 😀. Why would they? And now seeing that the practice is coming I feel like I will totally prepare as much as I can. I will read a lot about the topic I need to cover with them and maybe even rehears a bit what can happen.
One of my 'colleagues' - Hungarian major mates told me that I don't need to stress that much about it, since I will probably never see any of the people form that place ever again. Am I worried now? I still am, but yesterday night it gave me some better feelings. Yes, I might have issues but i am just a beginner. Everyone makes mistakes. So this will be just a great opportunity to see what my real problems are and how I can improve them.

I hope you liked this entry.
Have a nice whatever 😊 😘

Gossipper

I am someone who loves to gossip. I believed this to be a connecter to people. But today it got too far. My mother made a step. So I am in need to make a step. I found this site where there is 6 steps but today I am gonna change it a bit. I am not going to use a gossip buddy. But my phone. If there is a gossip I am gonna write it down. I just want to change and first I need to do it inside or else I will not be able to live as a grown-up person. So here we go. This will be my first day. 😁 I will try to keep you posted. Really, this is gonna be interesting....
https://www.google.sk/amp/s/www.yogajournal.com/.amp/yoga-101/6-ways-to-stop-yourself-from-gossiping-and-why-it-matters
Here you can find the site where I found the 6steps, so you can read it too.

Self daubt

I believe everyone went there before. Thinking that you are alone or just rare people can understand you. I am always like that. Ok just mostly. But still. When I am prepared for something I am still struggling inside How it will go? and Will I be good enough?
It is part of me. My mother. My dear mum/mummy she is always with me. And my dearest friend Sara. I've got 2 new friends who I trust dearly. And now days my roommate is pretty good too. Oh and the newest friend that I actually knew from before but now we are together a lot.
So these are the people who try to help me with this issue. And laugh with me. These give me strength. Because there is at least one man who tries to give me hell. Maybe that can make someone go on and be better. But I am not doing it for him. He will never know if I am good or not. He just wants to hurt me so he can be seen as someone better than me. There are people like this. They try and they sometimes succeed. But only if you let them. If you give them power over your thoughts.
Life is hard and guess what? You will eventually die. So why don't you stop carrying about what negative people say to you. Of course there is a difference between helpful criticism and pushing someone down. So decide whether or not is worth listening to what they say. And if it is not worth it than form one ear to the other and out goes what they said.
A positive thought : God made us who we are, so if he made you you need to be worth something. And if He believes in you you should do it too.
These thoughts coming from a person who does not go to church but believes in someone greater than Us. - ok let's save this I believe stuff for an another entry. I don't want to change any of you.
I just want to thank you for reading. Have a nice whatever 😊 Timi

Strong

Yes, I know I did not post for a while. This is not good but I got a new entry for the rest of the week each day so please forgive me.
So sometimes people get drunk, woman too. In these times you can be vulnerable. I never, ever would have believed that something like- you know you hear stories that girls have been robbed, raped and or even kidnapped - I believed that yes in the city where I study rarely but these things happen but not with me. I've got lucky always, why would it happen to me?
The story goes like this - me being a bit uneasy (drunk) and having 3 of my girlfriends with me. We had a blast at night it was amazing and we are headed back to our dorm. My girlfriend suddenly goes like - hey that man has been following us. And we suddenly got in realisation ok we probably are being followed. One of us starts to smoke a cigarette and I am like you know I need one too. We still try to keep the best mood that we can but we need to realise what is happening. Now 2 men are watching us. And we can see it. It is not as well obvious but we change our track. My girlfriend- now for being a bit more clear let's call her M- suggests this. We stop for a while. We know that we are probably watched the men are probably waiting for us at some point in our track. There is only one road in that way that we can go. I can't remember who - surely not me- suggested that we should go back into our dorm with a city bus. The stop for it is actually in a totally different direction than the men are supposed to be. We do this and we escape.

This was all yesterday. Me being delusional that this city is safe was too. But me saying that we should be more careful and aware is today. When I realise that I am weak and I need help. I need a blade - some kind of, I need a cry spray and training. Or at least moves.
I need to know that I am not gonna be afraid what I am alone or just going out with friends.
So today after going home and doing some work I am ready to get to know a new woman who is gonna learn how to defend herself. So she doesn't need to rely on others help 😊

Please be safe. Have a nice whatever 😊

What to do?

What to do when you are afraid that you'l loose your friends after the University? What to say when you are truly afraid of that life? Yeah we are always afraid of the new and yeah sometimes /mostly it is good, but still. Every student has this wow that after the Uni I will move out from my parents's house. If you are single and afraid of most of the stuff can you do it? How will it be? How much you and your life will change until you reach the end?
Yes, this is a call for help. Call for the future to show a way. I really just got into the thinking that I will loose my friends. Because everyone wants to stay where they were born but I want to explore, because all the man that maybe are waiting for me are away from my home. I can feel it. I need to go. Or I just want to explore and try out. Live a little as the say. Maybe during summer I will try.

Numb

So again a topics that pulls me close and wants to be said. This is when you are the one who does not appreciate people. I don't know why but for years there has been a person in my life that needed to be there. It wasn't a choice of his neither mine. What I noticed a few days back that I hurt him. It was a big pain what I caused him. You know in cases when there has to be someone in your life and you do take them for granted you stop giving them back the love they give to you.
Maybe you feel that they are way too simple for you but without them you might not be who you are.

I just noticed this, that I hurt a person like that. He gave me a signal. He tried. I was the one shutting it down. And when you loose that signal, that chance it is bad. I know a lot of people would not give a shit about this. Like the other person in my place- my brother.
He is in the surface ignorant of this problem. But me.... In times when I can't sleep I always think about the people that I hurt or hurted. I feel bad for it.

Noone can change their past. We came down with knowing our path - or at least this is what I believe in. We knew what will happen and we took the 'job' . And yes it can be hard, you need to be cruel sometimes. And you might forget about stuff. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I know I should tell him how I feel, that I am sorry - this will ever happen? I don't know. One song comes into my mind that can make you feel better in this kind of a situation.

Natural by Imagine dragons
Hope it helps you too

Have a nice whatever 😊

Away from home

So big news....my brother and I just got our keys to our dorm rooms. Yes finally he is going to attend University too. In the beginning of the semester and signing in to the University I feel nostalgic. Why?

So 4 years ago- yes it has been 4 years for me - my mother came with me here. Before the semester started she traveled with me on a train and left me in my room. Sunday ...that Sunday I cried. I missed her. I missed her every day. Slowly I got used to it. With time. The first month was the hardest. And in the end of the semester it was hard too, when I realised the subject I studied was not for me. I was left alone to find a new one. Of course this one turned out to be THE ONE. (Ok so this was a short story of my university life, just a part of it)

Here I am. My mom stayed home, because she has work to do and I am capable to do things on my own here. But recently I got a new pet after 4 years. A sirian/golden hamster 🐹. His name is Vili (like William But shorted version of it). In the last month's I have becomes really attached to him. I was always waiting when he woke up, so I could pet him and be with him. The thing is today I was not the one cleaning him. And this somehow made me sad.

But - and this would be the important part- we all have someone or something that we love and care for. We need to know that even if we are not together in space we are together in soul with them. Even if it is hard and believe me I know it can be, but we need to stay put and thrust the ones we left with them to take care of them. Family will take care of each other or friends or neighbours. We just need to thrust it.

Have a nice whatever 😊

Short truth

When you think that you see someone you know and it turns out it is not that person it sucks. Even more when you are a young woman and the other is a man that is way older than you and is from a different social community. 

Potato harvest

Yesterday's I had the pleasure to meet with my family and some of their mates to harvest potato on my grandparents land.

This is a thing that I always needed to go to since I was a child. In the internet you can find some description about it but let me tell you my relationship with the harvest.
So because we have a quite big field at my grandparents village we usually need to wake up early. The time always differs since some other mates help us too. Yesterday we went there at 8 am. I thought that it will be just my mother, her lifemate, my brother and me. My grandparents have health issues so they will probably sit this one out. We had luck because one of our uncles - we call a tone of people uncle/ aunt who is a somehow related to us- came to harvest his potatoes too with 2 hired man. My grandpa opened up the land/acre (sorry I don't know which word is the best for it) and there were the potatoes. It is a simple work but because you need to bend your back a lot it can be hard after some hours. This time was amazing I could do a lot and we ended with it at 11:30. We filled nearly 24 sacks with potatoes. And they were big too.

The work went faster each time one of us found some potato which shape was interesting. It resembled a head, a heart ❤️, a pipe  or a duck 🦆.

My grandma always bakes for these occasions her apple pie and some other milk-loaf( filled with nuts for example)
This is great to bite into when you want a break. 
The most important reason why I love this, even though I hate working a lot , is that my family is together and we see eachother. This is a great bonding time. And I know that most of the people can't experience this in their life. I appreciate living in a village for this even though the people like to gossip here a lot.

I hope you liked this entry. Have a nice whatever 😊

How you should not take your plans seriously

So I again had a vibe that I should write about something that has been in my mind all day long.

Today it has been the fact that my plans never work out, therefore I am not really taking them seriously anymore. 
All my life I have been making plans. Like where I will study in high school, what major I will take in the university. And yes I needed to change both of those schools. Actually in the university just one part of the major but still it has really affected my life.
In the Flash (season 3 episode 22) Leonard said :
“Make the plan. Execute the plan. Expect the plan to go off the rails. Throw away the plan.”

This is a great way to think about our plans. Because it can all change in 1 second. Like for me today- I was planning to meet a great friend of mine, but when I woke up I realised that I couldn't make it. I did not feel good. So I had to cancel. This way my plans were thrown out of the window 😀

Most of the students make plans that I will study more and I will do this and that to be something. The next week probably half of these (or more) will not be kept.

So I think my point here is that you really should not take these things seriously if they are not important. But....when you are making serious plans about something important in your life than you should really focus on just that. - even though I did not do everything like I planned. The most important thing here is that you do what you need to do to get to your goals. Like earning a degree or a little simpler - studying for an exam.

I really do not know how to end this entry. I wanted to say that you should really not take your plans seriously but as I think about it more and more I realize that there are some cases in which you need to be a grown-up and do what you need even if you don't like it.

I hope you liked this entry. Have a nice whatever 😊

Thinking 1

I am thinking that after the university I would like to get a dog. I already picked up some breeds that would be good for my lifestyle.
I am a lazy person, who would love nothing more than just watch videos and read Wattpad all day long. But in my belief you should live your life the fullest and if I will be a lazy person for ever than my life may be shorter and less happy than it could be. So in 3 years I will get a dog 🐕 and become a more responsible person.  - Which is one of my goals too.

I believe that everyone can be responsible they just need a reason to be like that.

Thanks for reading this entry. Have a nice whatever 😊

Am I smart?

So today I was really trying to learn if I am smart or not. I am over 20 years old, I study in one of the best universities in Slovakia but still I am not sure if I am or not.
And just thinking about it... How do we know if someone is smart or not?
Have you been called smart?
Me? Yes, I have. But I always thought that anyone could do what I do. It is easy and it can be done.

I was really in this topics so I downloaded a new app called QuizzLand. This app asks you multiple questions and you can choose which of the 4 answers is correct. The topics varies. It can be about a flower or an illness, even about a TV show. It is fun and the greatest part is that you can see all the answers you gave and the right answer to them in the History.

I know that I am not smart. Noone is truly smart in all the topics of the world, but we can be wise or at least have better knowledge than most of the people in the topics that we like.

I know this was a short entry but I hope you liked it. Have a nice whatever 😊 Bye

Getting to know ourselves

Today I just got from the top to the bottom. I think this happens to a lot of us, when we feel that we could not be even happier something hits us and we loose a lot of that happiness. These times are great for self evaluating. Maybe we will have negative feelings about ourselves but just see the bigger picture here.

I know that most of us, will see just all the bad but hey, you have good inside of you too. Noone is born true evil. For me it's easier to go from the biggest circle - in my case is the mates. Am I good to them? How do I act around them?
Here I want to add my colleagues too. Do I care about them? Did I give enough attention to the ones I needed? Did I respect my boss?

The next cirle should be my friends, but for me it's going to be my exes or my current boyfriends. Now here if you have trouble it is bad, but me as a Cancer signed person am strong.

It is interesting that whenever I have troubles with understanding myself I turn to astronomy. I have to tell that each time I read about myself I feel that there is a little truth. If you did not read about your sign I suggest you do. I belive if my exes would have read some stuff we could have got more time together.

So the next cirlce whould be the boyfriend, but I consider right now my friends more important. They know me truly and don't run away. They see me both as a great person and a bitch too.

And here comes ny family. They think so greatly about me, especially my mom. She knows all the bad things about me and still loves me. I know that I don't deserve her. She is way too good to be mine. She helps me when everything seems sooooo dark.

These last circles are the ones you should really pay attention. Whoever gets here will know you better, maybe even than you know yourself.

Some simple things that show that you have a positive side too: you are kind, helpfull and love animals. - like kids perspective :D Most importantly you are getting most of your goals finished.

I think all of us can cry, after we get a hit, but the way we deal with it shows what tipe of a person we are. 

Thnak you for reading this entry. Have a nice whatever. :)

Changes

One day, a long, long time ago I wrote to one of my blogs- that is no longer working- that you should be who you are and taht you should not care what others think about you. And now after like 2 or 3 years after I am cornered with a thought why I really changed so much in the last months.

Hi :) My names is Timea and I am planning to get here some silly and some deep thoughts about anything that can come into my mind. So if you like such a suff or you like the first 3 lines of this entry please stay and read my blog. Hopefully this will never  disappear (for my grammatical mistakes I hope it will :D)

Ps. If you find somewhere a mistake, please write it down in a comment. Thank you very much.