Numb

So again a topics that pulls me close and wants to be said. This is when you are the one who does not appreciate people. I don't know why but for years there has been a person in my life that needed to be there. It wasn't a choice of his neither mine. What I noticed a few days back that I hurt him. It was a big pain what I caused him. You know in cases when there has to be someone in your life and you do take them for granted you stop giving them back the love they give to you.
Maybe you feel that they are way too simple for you but without them you might not be who you are.

I just noticed this, that I hurt a person like that. He gave me a signal. He tried. I was the one shutting it down. And when you loose that signal, that chance it is bad. I know a lot of people would not give a shit about this. Like the other person in my place- my brother.
He is in the surface ignorant of this problem. But me.... In times when I can't sleep I always think about the people that I hurt or hurted. I feel bad for it.

Noone can change their past. We came down with knowing our path - or at least this is what I believe in. We knew what will happen and we took the 'job' . And yes it can be hard, you need to be cruel sometimes. And you might forget about stuff. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I know I should tell him how I feel, that I am sorry - this will ever happen? I don't know. One song comes into my mind that can make you feel better in this kind of a situation.

Natural by Imagine dragons
Hope it helps you too

Have a nice whatever 😊

Away from home

So big news....my brother and I just got our keys to our dorm rooms. Yes finally he is going to attend University too. In the beginning of the semester and signing in to the University I feel nostalgic. Why?

So 4 years ago- yes it has been 4 years for me - my mother came with me here. Before the semester started she traveled with me on a train and left me in my room. Sunday ...that Sunday I cried. I missed her. I missed her every day. Slowly I got used to it. With time. The first month was the hardest. And in the end of the semester it was hard too, when I realised the subject I studied was not for me. I was left alone to find a new one. Of course this one turned out to be THE ONE. (Ok so this was a short story of my university life, just a part of it)

Here I am. My mom stayed home, because she has work to do and I am capable to do things on my own here. But recently I got a new pet after 4 years. A sirian/golden hamster 🐹. His name is Vili (like William But shorted version of it). In the last month's I have becomes really attached to him. I was always waiting when he woke up, so I could pet him and be with him. The thing is today I was not the one cleaning him. And this somehow made me sad.

But - and this would be the important part- we all have someone or something that we love and care for. We need to know that even if we are not together in space we are together in soul with them. Even if it is hard and believe me I know it can be, but we need to stay put and thrust the ones we left with them to take care of them. Family will take care of each other or friends or neighbours. We just need to thrust it.

Have a nice whatever 😊

Short truth

When you think that you see someone you know and it turns out it is not that person it sucks. Even more when you are a young woman and the other is a man that is way older than you and is from a different social community.